Clear Sky, 68°F

1001 State Highway OO

Shame on you clue pursuit, 94.9 KCMO X1051KC 1025jackfm & 101 the Fox – Kansas City’s Classic Rock Station – for supporting a festival that continues contribute to the cruelty of animals, there is NO reason to have elephant rides! Or petting zoos. Did you know most elephants are ripped/stolen from it’s family unit as a baby in the wild & then chained, caged and beaten into submission, even if they were born into this cruel world of captivity, they to are severely mistreated before you ride them. And if that wasn’t enough most live a lonely life, elephants are social beings they travel around in crates/trucks with very little room to move and then chained again in small areas awaiting the cruel day of ride after ride ! If you purchase tickets to the kansas city Renn fest you to are supporting this cruel act. please ask them to stop!! We our the elephants only hope, their only voice

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Clear Sky, 85°F

1295-1797 Lakeview South

I have to wonder why… Why am I still here? For what purpose or do I even need a purpose? My bucket list is full of things I’ve done, so I guess you’d say it’s pretty short now, empty. Emptiness, explains a lot. I’ve lived a awesome but hard life, to the fullest & beyond way over the edge and back up hills and down smiled and laugh loved lost and loved some more but the real question is why am I still here? I when the pain sets in and I struggle to hold on and I came seem to find an answer of why, why I even try why I hold on, why I push thru, why the fuck am I still here

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Scattered Clouds, 92°F

1295-1797 Lakeview South

You are always right there holding my hand, I know I’m never truly alone, you love me like no other that’s never the problem, the problem is I don’t know where I am. Hiding lost some where among the shadows I dance. There’s this darkness that never goes away, perhaps I was born there with this darkness inside. It’s where I shine, I hide I reside. Where I cry and where I die. I’ve stitched up the hole, painted on the smile but just beyond the sparkle, that twinkle in my eyes is a darkness like no other it’s hard to explain when you live so buried in your head, and carry such a heavy heart. I’m going to try harder to just go on like nothing is wrong, it feels like I want to hide better and maybe I’ll wake up one day to realize I’m not even hiding at all.

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Clear Sky, 91°F

Tonight I get to see KISS I was feeling bad because my hubby didn’t have a ticket, but his friend won tickets as well so we all get to go then next week it’s road trip to see ghost, been a good summer, now if my new Dr tomorrow turns out to be a blessing it’ll be an amazing summer I’m so tired of living in pain, I want my life back I want out of the watcher mode and back into living stuck in a rut counting pills, waiting on pain meds to kick in, then realizing that’s really not going to happen then start all over again it’s exhausting! Just stick a patch on me and let me go, or at least tell me why I feel like shit all the time just do something other then sign the same old script and expect something different to happen. I want to remember, what it was like to sleep at night, to get up in wonderment about the coming day, to greet the sun, to enjoy retirement! I want to live again to move again to love again…. I feel like I’ve been wanting every since my son died. Even tho I fully except his death, his not coming back, I’ve stopped crying all the time but the joy of life has really never returned, maybe I’ve had my full happiness, maybe I just need to stop wanting……

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Light Rain, 82°F

1295-1797 Lakeview S

Sleep without sleep , rest without rest a body so tired, reaching for reasons to go on. Day after day the pain grows knowing it won’t kill me, just make my life a living hell at times. Ha you thought I was going to say make me stronger, fuck that shit. My body seems to be getting weaker and weaker. I long for that spark of creativity that lives deep within me. Reaching for a reason to finish projects reaching for a reason to follow thru. I want to paint, I want to create I just can’t find the energy.

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Spring`s first breath

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Spring`s first breath arrives early this year,drifts through open windows of desire. Warm air fuels our dreams of winter`s death. Song birds sing outside my window songs of spring birthing on the horizon. Tiny buds pushing through slowly thawing ground, like tiny rays of hope slipping through the cracks of a broken heart. Each new year takes me farther away from the day you left this realm, like the melting ice slowly disappears from the river`s edge Learning to bloom again each spring as the shadows of winter`s pain fade into the dusk. And still I miss you. struggling to grasp the memories of when you felt so close even after your death. The floods of tears slowly turn to drought, wondering if I will ever fully be alive again.

Simple pleasures in life can be found just outside my window, so many different kinds of woodpeckers, chickadees, cardinals and blue jays gather in turn to partake of the last of the winters feed. Soon the dance of love will begin, the building of the birthing nest, looking for the perfect blade of grass or maybe a random string to impress their mate. So much like them we are; searching for the perfect spring dress, or shade of eye shadow or scent of perfume just to impress our mate.

The labor pains have begun and the birth of spring is just around the corner.

Outside my window

From Online Gallery: Trees

woodpeckers & redbirds dance along the tree line. gray skies and misty air set the mood for this day of despair.Chilly silence echos through the woods, whispers  of darkness drifts upon the wind, wondering when this pain will ever end. Emotionally numb nerves of fire rage through my veins body aches that never end.Empty pill bottles fill the drawers and every purse and still there is never enough. Days and sleepless nights chasing the pain an endless race to no where fills my so called life.

To tired to put on the mask painted on smiles that fool the world around me. Hiding in the shadows I’ve learned to love so much. Staring out the window watching and waiting on the darkness to arrive,  will it b ring me backto life.